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*New Year//New Goal*

“Push Harder than yesterday if you want a new tomorrow”

My entire life I have struggled with my self image, longing to be one of those girls that you see in the magazines with their hip bones protruding from their bodies and every other bone that was seen. Most girls desire to become this girl and have no idea the pain that comes behind it. When I turned 15 I became very sick and lost a shit ton of weight, and I will be extremely honest, I fucking loved it! I was 90 pounds and could eat whatever I wanted, my jawline was chiseled, my thighs were small and I could fit into kids clothes, I didn’t think anything bad would happen to me.

….Fast forward 1 year

1 Month before I turned 16 we moved to a new city and I had no friends, I found a job, and all I did was eat and watch Netflix.

….Fast forward 6 months and thousands of fries later

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Today marks 2 years since I first saw this picture and I was completely mortified. My brain was convinced that I was still small but in reality I was a size large shirt and a size 5 in my shorts trying to squeeze into a size 2 because I didn’t want to accept my reality. I decided that I was going to get a gym membership (insert laughing/crying face). For the entire year of 2015 I went to the gym on and off and never actually stuck with it, and that was because I was really fucking lazy and I was just done with not seeing any change.

….Fast forward to 2016!

In January of 2016 I decided I was going to join the Air Force on my 18th birthday and I was willing to put in the work to do it. I ran 6 days a week and went to the weights class at my gym 5 days a week and in 3 weeks I dropped 12 pounds and 3 pant sizes!!! Hell yeah I was excited!

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 To be honest I never went through with the Air Force (because of a guy) and now I look back and realize how crazy I was. Lets be real, we have all been there; we start dating someone and we fall off the crazy train heart broken, bitter, tired shitless of trying and most of us just want to sit back have a girls night and watch some Netflix and cry a little. Some of you may say, “oh, you’re a little young to know what that feels like” no, no I am not, I had a guy basically ask me to marry him (including asking my parents permission) and then the next week tell me he no loner wanted to be with me. Yeah it sucks. I was just done at that point and I stopped working out and I ate a shit ton of ice cream and gained some of that weight back.

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Starting in August I decided I was going to do a 6 week transformation where I meal prepped, I deleted all of my social media, and I started going to the gym 3 days a week. I will give it to you straight, when you start putting all of your anger or frustrations into something positive, you will go so far into success! My anger motivated me to push myself beyond the limits that I set for myself because I forgot that I would tell myself I couldn’t do something. It is a really very emotional journey.

The steps I took in order to start my process:

  • Create a goal for yourself, start small and work your way up!

    When you set goals for yourself, you in turn are making a decision to make a change that only you can make, no one can make this decision for you, they can help you, but you are the only person that can do this for you.

  • Reward yourself!

    Rewarding yourself is one of the best ways to motivate yourself to get through a week of meal preps and workouts. Go buy yourself a smaller size dress to keep you motivated in order to striving to fit into that dress by the end of the year. It can also be a visual reminder to keep going when you feel like quitting.\

  • Find a YouTuber to watch that focuses on fitness!

    I personally find a lot of my inspiration from YouTubers that I watch that relate their lives to mine. It makes everything worth it when I can visually see their change and the progress and the struggles that they go through on the daily basis and knowing that it gets better! Some of the YouTubers I follow are: Nikki Blackketter, Heidi Somers, Jazmine Garcia, and Bradley Martyn. Go Follow Themmmmm!!!!

  • Find support in your community.

    Finding friends that you can go to the gym with or even a workout partner is so great for making sure you keep going to the gym. When you have someone to hold you accountable and text you to see why you haven’t been coming you begin to realize that the fitness world is more like a family. We get it, we have all been there and we want to see you succeed and not fail. Find someone to share this experience with!

  • Find your Drive

    My last and biggest piece of advice is to ‘find your drive’ or ‘find your reason’ as to why you want to make this change. Maybe you were called names because you weren’t as skinny as the rest of your friends or you are struggling with your health and need to get back to a healthy place or maybe your just at your lowest point and you need something solid to hold on to, to help you realize that your life is meaningful and that one change can really make all the difference. So find what lights your fire and let it drive you and you will be UNSTOPPABLE!!

You are worth more than Silver and Gold!!

//Moving Out 101//

“Working on  myself, by myself, for myself”~Unknown

I can’t help but think that maybe I’m just ready to move out, move on, and make a way for myself. For so many years my parents have given me a place to live, food on the table, and they have even helped to pay for some of my bills when I was low on money.

That I will never be able to thank them enough for. 

In February I turned 18 and decided I would move in with my grandmother so that I could live in town; my parents live 30 minutes outside of town. At first it was a great idea than I started working till midnight and that didn’t work because she would turn the alarm system on at 10pm. A month later I was back at home. Through the summer my sisters boyfriend moved in, and needless to stay I just need my own space. I was extremely blessed when a friend of mine got accepted to go to nursing school in town and needed a roommate. Now in December I will finally be moving out and I am beyond ecstatic!

4 Ways to Make Moving Easier

  • Don’t Listen to the Nay-Sayers: 

At some point, people are going to think you are crazy for moving out, especially if you are young like I am. Girl, for real, tell those people to back off, I don’t remember that lady from church, or my grandmother writing my story. It’s your job, so take that pen and start writing. You’ve got this, I promise it will be okay.

  • Don’t procrastinate:

I swear on my life that I can never do things when I’m suppose to. Whether it’s from changing the oil in my car, to taking books back to the library. My biggest piece of advice for you is to stay on top of every little thing, especially making payments, keeping up with random bills, or letting the dog outside. If you  are in school, really girl, do not forget about that.

  • Stay Involved:

Moving can be really stressful, and if you spend all your time locked up by yourself watching YouTube videos of Jenna Marbles, Nikki Blackketter, IIsuperwomenII, or Jlovesmac1 then you are just going freak out even more. The key is to stay involved with friends, family, church, school, pretty much anything and everything to keep you on your feet. Ask around, see if anyone has advice or suggestions on making your transition easier.

  • Get Creative:

Last but not least, start a Pinterest board. Go to town, grab a cup of tea or coffee, grab a note book, start writing down ideas and things you will need. Find projects for furniture so that you can save money by building your own. It can also be used as a great stress reliever. If you can’t tell by my repeating of stress, that is the biggest problem area in making your moving experience worse, so relax and have fun!

~Not What I Planned~

At the beginning of the year, I was dead set on joining the Airforce. I was training every day, studying for the ASVAB, and preparing myself for what was to come; little did I know that I was in for a rollercoaster experience I would never forget.

In Feburary just before my 18th birthday, I walked into the recruiting office for the Airforce; started signing papers and getting everything in order. I had not gone to MEPs yet but my supposed departure date was for March 14th, 2016. It was the week before I was suppose to go to MEPs, and an old friend from highschool (whom I admired very much) started talking to me again. A few days of talking went by and I was forsure that he really liked me and that’s when I decided that maybe joining Airforce was a bad idea; I didn’t know what I would miss if I would have gone. I eventually called my recruiter and told him that I didn’t think I was ready at that point to join and that I would contact him at a later date. Another week had gone by and come to find out, the same guy that was leading me on, didn’t actually like me at all, he just wanted what I could give him, and I ended up wasting a good path in life; or so I thought.

March 14th, 2016, the day I was supposed to leave for bootcamp, my sister and her at the time “fling” set me up with his brother. We spent the entire day together, and two days later I was his girlfriend; I hadn’t dated anyone for quite a while, so this was a big deal! Now, during our relationship, we had our ups and downs just like any other couple, but he was russian (I didn’t find out that I was russian too, until after the relationship was over) and his mother did not approve of me. She did not like that fact that I would not comply to the way that they opperate with religion, family matters, or even their ideal marrige life. A few weeks into this new relationship, my boyfriend brought up the subject of marrige and told me he wanted to get married before the end of summer; thus brought on his asking my parents, choosing the ring, and then talking to his parents. The talk with his parents ended our relationship only a month in, being that they would not give him their blessing if he were to marry me, and he chose to respect his parents and ended things with me.

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For the next three months I tried to occupy my time with work, church, writing, music, basically anything that would take my mind off of my, now ex, which I desperately hoped his mother would change her mind, but she never did, and he moved on. Lost in my hopelessness that I would end up alone, that I was never meant to be with anyone, I started working at a mechanic shop, where I met people who gave me wise words for this broken world that we live in. over the last three months I began to find myself outside of peoples opinions of what they think I should be or what I should do, and I started pulling myself out of church; unfortunetly not in a good way, and I feel really bad about that.

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Almost four weeks ago from today, I texted my bestfriend, and he told me that he was leaving for the navy in three weeks. Now this is not the casual “bestfriend” that you meet and decide you are going to talk and hangout on occasion and call them your bestfriend, No. This guy has been by my side for the last two years day in and day out, he has supported every single one of my dreams, he has listened to me complain about everything under the moon, and at one point we were working out every single day of the week together. There have been points where our friendship died down and we didn’t really speak or hang out but I knew that he was always one call away. I didn’t talk to him for almost 4 months, and yes, that was mostly my fault, but when I found out that he was leaving in three weeks I started to panic. Little did I know that the two days later when we hung out he was going to give my information to his recruiter.

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I got a call the same day to set up an appointment for the fallowing Monday to go and dicuss a new future for myself. I went into the meeting that Monday, and everything went great! So great in fact that on Wednesday I went in to take my ASVAB and the fallowing Monday I went to MEPs. When I went up there I didn’t know that they had been sending people home because it was the end of the fiscal year and they had no new jobs opening yet. On Tuesday they sent me home because they couldn’t find me a job; I sat in the little hallway and prayed, I asked God that if this was what he wanted me to do, then he would open the door in 24 hours and that the first job they offered me I would take it. I went home that night and the next morning I walked into work and at 8:00 A.M. I recieved a call saying that they found me a job and that we had to leave right then and there to get up to MEPs to sign the paper work. It wasn’t what I wanted but it turned out to be so much more than I could ever ask for.

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I never planned my life to go this way, and I don’t think most of us do. All I know is that God’s plan for our life will eventually unfold in the way that he wants and it may be painful, it may suck, or it may be great, but we have to trust that what he wants is what is best. Yeah all of my friends are getting engaged and getting married right now, yeah it sucks, but I know that whoever God has for me is going to support me and stand by my side even in the darkest moments, and I cannot wait for that day to come.

~You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail~

Proverbs 19:21

\\CONNECT\\

“True friends don’t hinder your relationship with God, they encourage it.” ~ Jarrid Wilson

Having friends is a normal part of life, they are there when you need them and they can help you in your path of life. Now, we all have “friends” but how many of us can say they are true friends? True friends are those who lift you up when you’re going through hard times, they call and text when you miss a meeting to make sure you are all right, and they don’t judge you for where you’ve been or where you’re going in the future, they are always there for you no matter what.

In life, we all need some christian friends, to help bring us along in life. Building connections with other Christians is a great way to stand against the darkness in this world. Some great examples of these friends would be:

  • They encourage you

No matter how difficult your life gets, these friends are life long and will give you encouraging words that are uplifting to your situation. They will pray for you, give you helpful scriptures, and keep you accountable in life decisions.

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  • They go into the dark places

They see when you aren’t doing so well and they are not afraid to ask those questions of how we are doing and what’s causing the problem. Sometimes those questions can keep us from entering into depression or eventually doing something that we would end up regretting. Friends that will keep you from the edge.

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  • They pray for you

Whether it’s 2 in the afternoon or 2 in the morning, these people are there for your every need. They are there to listen and pray for you. They will put you at the top of their prayer list and will text you and call you to see how you are doing. They hold you accountable to your end of the deal as well in keeping faith that everything will work out in God’s timing.

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  • “If any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of christian friends by a fire?” ~ C.S. Lewis
  • “Find friends who aren’t too proud to pray for you. To cry for you. To hope for you. To ask for you. To ask God to be one with you. That’s what’s Real.”

 

“Serve one another in Love” 

Galatians 5:13

//Soul~Sisters//

“A true friend doesn’t care when you’re broke, being a bitch, what you weigh, if your house is a mess, what you drive, about your past, or if your family is filled with crazy people. They love you for who you are.”

When you pray your whole life for a friend that you see on Tumblr, Pinterest, or even Instagram, it sometimes gets a little lonely when that person doesn’t come along. To be honest I never had a “best friend” and for 15 years “she” never came. My family moved to Springfield a month before my 16th birthday, and I had no friends here and I was miserable, but by the grace of God I met a few girls before my birthday. Now one of the girls “Hayley” we really didn’t hang out for the first few months that I was there, and then came the first guy in my life, Hayley ended up being there for me through the whole thing! Now we have had our ups and downs, we have really had our downs and even went several months without talking to each other; she was there with me when I dated the second guy and I was there for her through her whole relationship and through her getting married, and I was honored to take the pictures at your wedding.

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You looked absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

When I first met Hayley I never thought they we would be the friends we are today. The type of friends that go and get tea together and dress up for absolutely no reason and go out to a fancy dinner, we watch YouTube videos for hours on end, go through multiple seasons of various shows on Netflix, and now my new favorite tradition of hiking every Saturday morning. You’re the type of friend that people see on pinterest and I’m so very blessed to have you as my Best Friend. I know that both of us are going to end up living a couple thousand miles away from each other but you will forever be my SOUL~SISTER.

  • “It doesn’t matter who likes us… We like us.” –Zen to Zany
  • “Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life and said “I’m her for you” and proved it.” — Unknown
  • “Friends are therapists you can drink with.”

“A Sweet Friendship Refreshes the Soul”

Proverbs 27:9

PS: Happy 1 year of being married to Luke! (Even though its in 4 days) Love you!!!

 

//TAKE CONTROL//

So you have officially decided to take back your life and become the person you know you were meant to be.

This is fantastic! The first step in this process is realizing who and what you want to become; and no, I don’t mean looking like or trying to be someone else. You have to realize that you are who you are, and that will never change, but making better choices and taking control of your inner being is a great place to start in loving who you were meant to be. ❤

Now before we do anything to crazy, we’re going to start with the basics:

All basics start with waking up right?

  • Preset

When I say “preset” I mean set things up the night before so that you save time getting ready the next morning. For instance you can “set out your clothes for that day” just to make sure you don’t go crazy trying to figure out what you’re going to wear. If you drink coffee you can program your machine to start brewing right before you wake up, that way you are all set to go and won’t forget.

  • Wake up Earlier

I know I know, all of us girls like our “beauty sleep” but studies show that if we sleep too much, we will end up being even more tired when we wake up. With that said, try setting your alarm 20 minutes earlier and take a little time for yourself in the morning.

  • Drink, Drink, Drink

As soon as you roll out of bed, head straight for the water. Drinking water as soon as you wake up will help start your metabolism, cleanse your digestive track, wake you up, and will actually start your day off better. Personally I like to add some fruit or just some lemon juice to my water to give it that extra kick!

  • Fitness

Now if you’re like me and you’re not an active morning person, then just try to do ten minutes of cardio. Whether that be walking your dog, yoga, or even some simple jumping jacks, this will boost your energy and kick-start your metabolism for the whole day! Now if you are an active morning person, all the more power to you! Give it all you’ve got and knock out that 30 minute workout.

  • Ready, Set, Go

Getting ready can be exhausting, especially if you have an entire makeup routine. Take this time while you’re getting ready and  turn it into your personal time as well; listen to some music, listen to a podcast, watch a YouTube video, anything to calm you down before you walk out that front door.

  • Most important!

Eat breakfast! Don’t skip on this meal, because like they say, it is the most important. Eat some cereal, oatmeal, eggs, fruit, it doesn’t have to be a lot, but just enough to get the day rolling.

  • Be Confidant

Last but not least, BE CONFIDANT! Walk out that door like you own the world, and I promise, you can take on more than you think. ❤

“But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

When Life Sucks!

Tonight as I was driving home, I realized that my life really feels like it sucks right now. And for any of you who go to church, or have heard sermons on “Getting Through That Rough Patch” you have probably heard things like:

  • “All you have to do is pray”
  • “You’re just making it seem worse than it is”
  • “God has great things for you all you have to do is have faith”
  • “Trust him he’s got you”
  • “Stop trying to make things all about you”
  • “Don’t try to control your life”

To be honest, I just want to lay in my bed, binge watch Netflix, and eat lots of junk food, but the thing is, life doesn’t just stop because you want it to. My aunt once told me that I get to choose what affects my happiness and how much I let the situation control me. She told me that “today you get to cry, worry, scream, rant, whatever you want, but tomorrow you have to move on; If you want to let part of that situation stay in your life, then crack the window in your life so that you can hear when it comes back, but you can’t wait for things to change and put your life on pause just because things aren’t what you want them to be right now.

Yeah right now life may straight up suck, but I realized that things don’t always change over night, and it might seem like God isn’t there helping make things better, but in reality, he’s standing right next to you walking these trials with you every step of the way. Just trust that if you fall he will help you back up, and when his time is right, he can change your situation around in the blink of an eye!

 

Remember:  “He who started a good work in you will carry it to completion.”     (Philippians 1:6)